Sunday, November 06, 2011

Gone with Regrets

As you died, part of me was gone, too.


It sounds so much of a cliché, but it is beyond true. I am now a different person than I was when you were around. Everybody says so, and I couldn’t agree more. A huge part of me left as you did. That part left me a person I am now. A person I don’t even recognize. A stranger to myself.

You were part of me. You were my partner, mentor, best friend. You were whatever I needed you to be. You were always there for me. It was always you. Not my sister, not my parents. It was you.

But I was so selfish that I wanted more. I wanted you to be more than my partner, more than my best friend. I wanted you. It was inevitable. We spent too much time together, much to my liking. It was a torture—for you didn’t know how I truly felt about you in those times we’d spent together, but it was sweet at the same time. It was a beautiful agony.